Corona Diaries - 9

Thursday April 16th

Day 5 Jaber Hospital

I woke up on this morning with no fever at all. I kept checking every hour but it never went above 37.4. My shortness of breath improved too, as well as my cough. I was starting to feel normal again. I think my TV stopped working that day because it was raining.

My days were starting to become monotonous. I would wake up around 7, blinded by the light outside my windows; would attempt to go back to sleep but fail miserably. Then I would get up and shower and wait for my breakfast. It would either be a boiled egg or cheese or some mush in a little container. Sometimes I would open up the container, other times I just wouldn’t. I know I couldn’t taste anything but still wouldn’t eat the mush. I would make a sandwich and arrange the tomatoes and cucumbers in funny arrangements. I would wash it down with whatever cold brew was sent to me that day. I love my friends for knowing how much I appreciate cold brew and for providing me with a daily supply. I remember writing an ode to the cold brew a while ago. I wasn’t a coffee person and then suddenly I was into cold brew. That’s how I do things, either completely into it or not at all. It may be the source of my gastritis, but I still wouldn’t drink any milky or sugary drinks. Coffee has to be appreciated in all its bitterness; that’s how you become more appreciative of the sweetness.

Today I will speak about M.

If I don’t come out of this experience with anything useful at all; at least it was a chance to rekindle a friendship. Let me tell you a little bit about M. She was my first bestfriend. I’ve never had any girlfriends, due to the fact that I’ve never stayed in one school or one place for any length of time. I was closer to my parents and my brothers. I wasn’t even that close to my cousins. I’ve lived in 3 different countries growing up and I’ve changed schools every 2 or 3 years. My enjoyment was reading in my room. I wasn’t allowed to go to parties or sleepover at anyone’s house and I adapted to that by becoming more studious and doing activities alone. Don’t get me wrong, I had many friends at school only, just not any close ones that would come over to my house or that I would go out with. This changed when I met M. She was my first girlfriend in Kuwait. We met at work at the end of 2011. We were inseparable at work and became inseparable everywhere else. We would study together for upcoming exams and would spend endless hours in the longest conversations.

I remember us doing 24-hour oncalls every 4th day because of severe shortage. That may have lasted up to 6 months. We would give each other short breaks to sleep and the other would cover the entire hospital. We would spend hours talking about everything you can ever think of. We made plans for our futures and careers. Thinking back, I can’t remember exactly what happened that made us drift apart. There’s something you need to know about me. I block things. I block hurt and I block sadness and after a while I can’t even remember what the issue was. It may be a good and a bad trait. Whatever I block somehow disappears, which either means it wasn’t something important to begin with or was too big that my brain can’t process it anymore. We tend to focus so much on silly things and make them into big issues. This is something I’ve stopped doing ever since my mother passed away. The death of a loved one makes you see past minute tiny details. You come to realise that nothing really matters at the end of the day. I would like to be remembered as a good and kind person when I’m gone. I don’t want be thought of as smart or brilliant or a genius; I just want to be remembered in a good way. That’s what we leave when we’re gone. Our memories. I can only hope to be remembered as good and kind.

Let me tell you what M has been doing during the “Corona Era”. M is still an internal medicine board resident in her final year. She was doing a medical rotation at Mubarak Hospital when she learnt how the situation was getting really bad at Jaber Hospital. She voluntarily signed up to be part of the Infectious Disease (ID) Team. This team is responsible for seeing all the sick patients at Jaber Hospital; anyone who has any difficulty breathing, anyone who needs to be started on treatment and anyone sick enough requiring to go to ICU. This is something she signed up for voluntarily. The team consisted of many team members, who were filtered out due to quarantine issues or many other reasons. The team comprises of 4 members now. These doctors may be responsible for more than 60 patients at any one time. M wears her full suit, goggles and N95 to see all patients. She suffocates whilst doing her job, but she does it day in and day out. She works more than 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no breaks. She has isolated herself from her family and friends. She goes home at the end of the day to shower and sleep and then her day starts all over again. Can you think of a life more exhausting? She does it, lovingly and without any complaints.

I missed out on a lot of her life over the past 5 years when we weren’t close. I missed out on her becoming an aunt, passing her exams and becoming a registrar and her becoming a writer and publishing a book. I am sorry that life made us drift apart and forget a beautiful friendship. If I’m not grateful for anything from this experience, then I’m grateful for the coronavirus for putting her in my path, for becoming her patient and for this beautiful chance to rekindle a relationship lost to time. She is now my doctor and I am her patient. She comes in daily to sit with me for an hour and chat about life; making me feel a little bit less lonely, making it easier to cope as a patient.

Thank you corona for putting M back in my life; I am grateful for getting my friend back. As much as I hate you corona; something good has come out of this.