Corona Diaries - 7

Tuesday April 14th

Day 3 Jaber Hospital

I woke up on the third day with shortness of breath. It took me a minute to figure out what I as feeling. I couldn’t take a deep breath. I was just lying in my bed and felt that I couldn’t take a deep breath. I sat down and tried to take a deep breath again. I couldn’t. It felt as if something was constricting the movement of my diaphragm, not allowing me to take bigger and deeper breaths. I felt as if I’d had run my first marathon and there was a stitch in my chest muscles. I tried to walk around the room but that didn’t help. Movement made my breathing worse. I checked my saturation and it was still 98%. That reassured me and I got up and made my bed and changed my clothes and went about my new routine.

I still had fever and was taking paracetamol regularly. I remember waking up that night at around 2 am shivering. I thought the AC might be too cold and put on my sweater and tried to go back to sleep but I was still shaking. I decided to check my temperature and it was 38.7. I called for the nurse to give me paracetamol. The shaking lasted for around an hour or so. These are the “chills and rigors”, medical student say when they take a full history. That was my first encounter with them as a patient. I had my first set of chills and rigors.

After telling my doctors about my symptoms, they decided to start hydroxychloroquine. It was a medication used for rheumatoid arthritis however limited studies showed that it helped with symptomatic COVID-19 patients. An electrocardiogram (ECG) had to be done and monitored daily for patients on this treatment as it may cause heart arrhythmias. I had my first ECG. I’ve never had an ECG before. Luckily it was normal and so was my QT interval. I’ve had a daily ECG since then and last night completed the last of my tablets.

Of all my symptoms, the shortness of breath was the most distressing. I felt debilitated, unable even to speak on the phone for a long time. I did the test where I held my breath to see for how long. I could only hold my breath for a measly 4 seconds. I felt weak; and I hated weakness. I never wanted to be perceived as weak or unable to do things for myself. I’m a person that works out regularly, plays squash and runs marathons. Weakness was not a term I would ever want to bas associated with. I empathised with my patients, when they would complain of shortness of breath. Some would be very distressed; I could finally feel for them. It’s not a nice feeling at all.

The order of my symptoms:

1. Persistent Headache, doesn’t improve with pain relief

2. Scratchy, sore throat

3. Persistent dry cough

4. High grade fever, more than 38

5. Shortness of breath, worse on exertion, but happens at rest too

6. Fatigue, malaise, muscle aches all over

7. Loss of appetite, Anorexia

8. Complete loss of smell, Anosmia

9. Abdominal pain, nausea and diarrhoea

The shortness of breath persisted for 4 days but then started improving; I wonder whether that was the natural course of coronavirus or whether the hydroxychloroquine had started working. Either way, I was glad I was starting to feel normal again.

I started getting flower bouquets that day and they made me very happy. Whenever anyone entered the room, they would be greeted with a garden. I loved seeing flowers so a big thanks for my family and friends for causing me to smile during my hospital stay.

This post will be dedicated to N.

She is the reason I started this blog. She would always find ways to think positively and always made me feel better. She has been one of my closest friends for the past 3 years. She is a wonderful person who does everything properly. I love those people, people that have ethics. People that give 100% to every single task assigned to them; she’s one of them. I’m one of them. So we became the greatest of friends.

She has many beautiful aspects to her character and so many roles but I would just like to focus on one today. She’s an amazing friend, an excellent teacher, very organised, smart and loyal. But above all she’s a wonderful mother. I would like to focus on her role as a mother today. She has a beautiful daughter, who has recently become my favourite kid.

I would like this post to highlight how my friend has been struggling ever since the “Corona Era” started. She was constantly struggling before then, as do all working mothers. They always feel like they could do more. They wonder whether being a stay at home mom would be the best option for their kids; I’m sure every mother given the chance would opt to spend more time with her kids, especially the first few years, which are very precious and you can never get them back. Doctors who are mothers struggle even more, they feel like they have to constantly give 100% at home as well as 100% at work. The patients need them as well as their own kids; add on to that: family obligations and other life struggles. Women in our field are in constant turmoil, especially that our job is demanding and pushes us to our limits.

N is involved with many things at work and voluntarily signed up to be a part of the COVID-19 team at Amiri Hospital. She knew that by doing that, she would have to isolate herself from her daughter, but this was her duty to herself and her country. She does not sit in her daughter’s room anymore. She doesn’t play with her. She cannot touch her like she usually does. This is hard on her as well as her daughter. Imagine coming home and not being able to play with your kids or even touch them. Kids understand that coronavirus is bad; they understand that its something that’s taking their parents away from them. Imagine the world that we live in, a world where children are deprived from their parents’ affection and love because of a virus.

The struggle is real. This is a struggle she lives with every single day. She takes all the precautions that she has to take and more. She puts on her full suit, goggles and N95. She suffocates herself at work because she knows she cannot be the one responsible to put her daughter in danger. She spends hours in a suit that she’s unable to breathe in, examining possibly infected cases. Her face bears the marks of the mask after busy days; this is all to protect her daughter. Her health is never first on her mind; it’s always her daughter and her family. She then wears another mask and gloves and heads home and having taken all the precautions at work that’s still not enough. She goes into the house without seeing her daughter. She showers fully and even then, having washed off any possible coronavirus away, she still cannot hug her child. She spends the least amount of time with her; her daughter’s protection is always her main priority. There is a limit to how long she spends with her daughter and there is a limit to how much she can touch her.

I had to take this opportunity highlight her struggle. We tend to focus on so may other things; we forget that we as humans are all walking balls of emotion. We need to know that we are loved. Children need to know they are loved. Affection is one form of this love. Hugs and kisses are a form of love. Tangible things are how children know they are loved and cared for. Parents too. Parents need the validation. They need to hug their kids as much as kids need to be hugged. I miss hugs. Don’t we all? My father gives the best teddybear hugs and I cant remember the last time I’ve had one.

We don’t know how long the “Corona Era” will last. How many months? Could it possibly be years? When will life go back to normal? When will mothers be able to embrace their kids normally again? When can we become affectionate with our families again? When will we gather and laugh and joke around? When will our life stop being about coronavirus?