Corona Diaries - 6

Monday April 13th

Day 2 Jaber Hospital

I woke up to the brightest light, as there were no curtains or blinds on any of the windows. I was a morning person anyways and loved the view. I got up and made my bed like a good patient. I kept checking my temperature and oxygen saturation on my own machines. I’ve had my pulse oximeter since 2012, when one of my friends got it for me to use during oncalls. I still had a fever and took paracetamol regularly. My treatment for the time being was vitamin C and vitamin D tablets. My symptoms were under control apart from the fever. I started getting a little bit short of breath that day. I would notice it when I would walk to the toilet and come back. I also noticed it at night when I was trying to fall asleep. I kept checking my oxygen saturation and it was always 98-99%. I thought, let me keep an eye on it and I won’t bother the doctors unless it got worse.

One of my old friends was covering the team responsible for my care and she came in her full suit with goggles and N95 mask. She joked and said she looked like an alien. She told me about my hospital course. They would repeat my nasopharyngeal swab 12 days after the original one and if negative would repeat another one 2 days later. I would be discharged to home quarantine after 2 negative swabs. If I had a positive result, they would repeat it every 3 days until the virus would clear. I was optimistic that I would be clear in 12 days. She stayed and chatted away for around 30 minutes. She made me feel less lonely. To this day, she comes in daily and her visits are something I’ve grown accustomed to.

I don’t want to make these posts boring with my hospital course, I’ll basically give you updates about everyday and then I will dedicate the rest of the post to an important person in my life or someone that I have come across during the “Corona Era” that needs their story to be told.

This first one is dedicated to my mother.

My mother was the kindest person in the whole world. If I’m just a little bit kind or good; then that’s all due to her. She was selfless. She was patient. She was a survivor. She sacrificed her life for us. She would always think of herself last. Whenever anyone speaks about my mother they have only good things to say. She was soft spoken and never spoke ill of anyone. She decided to see the goodness in people even when they weren’t good to her. I think about my mother every single day. She guides me through all my decisions, I just think of her and get the answers to all my questions and troubles.

We lost my mother April 4th 2014. That was the hardest day of my life. On that day, I became responsible for our household. The baton was passed on to me from her invisibly and it took me a long time to try and make our lives somewhat tolerable. A home without your mother is just a building; it’s just a house. Her name was the first name I would yell whenever I would come into the house. I would sleep in her arms when I would wake up on Fridays on golden weekends when I had no work. I would just lay there snuggled tight whilst she read her Qura’an. She would make me bouquets of flowers when I was studying. My mother was my biggest supporter. Nobody will ever love you like your mother. Anyone who has every lost their mothers knows that from that day forward, you live life broken without your wings. Mothers lift us up, mothers guide us, mothers make you feel invincible and my mother was the best of them all.

Her life began being the model daughter. She grew up in a home of 3 brothers and 7 sisters. She was the obedient daughter, who helped out her mother with chores, cleaning and cooking and she studied during the rest of the time. She was the kind sister who bathed her younger sisters and brushed their hair. She wanted to become a lawyer; that was her dream. Her father was so proud when she went into university and he used to drive her to university for her classes.

Then my father came along; and she got married at 21. My father got his bachelors degree and masters in the US and she left her studies to join him. Her entire life had been built around sacrifice. She sacrificed her time and future for family. After having me, they came back to Kuwait and she got a desk job, all the time wondering if she will ever go back to study law. She had my two brothers and got caught up with building our homes and taking care of my grandmother. We had a very sheltered childhood, we went to private schools, received the best education, the best clothes and anything that we ever needed or wanted was readily available.

In 1999, we all moved to the UK so my father would continue his PhD studies. My mother made us a beautiful home wherever we went. It was as beautiful in Manchester as it was in Kuwait. She cleaned and washed and did all the home chores, while we took care of our studies, my father included. She did it with love and never complained. I regret not having my mother as my best friend during my teenage years. I remember going through a rebellious phase, being pushed away from her for a few teenage years. I would sit in my room and read for the majority of those years.

Then it was my turn to go to university. We all moved to Aberdeen and she made us a beautiful home there too. My father would go and come back to us every chance he got, but she stayed with me for that first year, along with our siblings. She took on all the responsibilities and made us a beautiful environment. I became very close to my mother during my university years. She would teach me to cook and we would plant together. She loved to see things grow and she passed that on to me. I remember planting all sorts of flowers and shrubs all over our garden. Anything she did, she did meticulously, she did things with love and they would turn out beautifully because she did them. That year was hard for her because she was away from my father. She would then alternate between Aberdeen and Kuwait. She would do 1-2 months at a time. Whenever she wasn’t in Aberdeen, we would have hourly phone calls every night. She would either teach me how to cook over phone calls or tell me stories about her day. Whenever I had exams, she would be there for support. She always pushed me to be better and smarter. I got straight A’s and A*’s because of her. I never felt alone, she was always there; she never left my side. She had beautiful hands, giving hands, sacrificial hands, hands that never stopped giving.

My mother had sickle cell anaemia. She would have painful crises every once in a while. Most of the time, we would manage at home with pain relief and injections, however there were times when she would need hospital admission. She disliked going to the hospital because of how sickle cell patients were treated as addicts. She lived her life with chronic pain. She developed avascular necrosis of both of her hip joints and required bilateral hip replacements in her late 30’s and then revision in her 40’s. She would always have some sort of pain, but she tried to keep a smile on her face so she wouldn’t bother us.

I don’t want to talk about her death, that causes me so much pain. I want to take a moment to speak about love. True love isn’t the romantic love between males and females. True love is a bond that resists time, place and even death. True love is when you feel loved even the person has left this earth. I feel my mother’s love every single day. I feel her wrapping me up in her beautiful hugs every single day. I never feel alone because she is always with me. She has never left my side to this day. Every hardship is easier because of her. Every pain is tolerable because I learnt how to cope with it because of her. I have become dependable and good because I want to be more like her. I owe my existence to her. I owe my kindness and goodness to her. Everything that I am or will ever be will be because of her. I may not be very lucky in all aspects of my life but one thing I’m sure about, I’m lucky to be her daughter. I am my mother’s daughter. I am Najat’s daughter; and for that I am eternally grateful.