Corona Diaries - 4

I remember hanging up the phone and having so many thoughts all at the same time. The first thing I did was yell for my dad to get my pink travel suitcase from the attic. He asked why and I told him that I have corona and need to start packing. I couldn’t see his face or his reaction, I just knew I had to get busy and start packing to avoid getting emotional. I know the preventative medicine doctor had said they will come in the morning but I had heard stories of ambulances coming in the middle of the night to get the infected patients.

I have a very logical mind and think systematically, so all I could think of was packing my bags and making sure I hadn’t left anything behind. I started thinking of what I needed to pack. 14 pairs of socks for the14 days and a couple extra, just in case. 7 pairs of pyjamas should be enough, if I wear one every two days and a two extra just in case. My comfy pick comforter. Contact lenses? No, why would I need contact lenses, I’ll just take my glasses. I’ll take my other pair just in case something happens to these ones. As I was packing, it started to sink in. I have COVID-19, I’m infected with the virus; I’m highly infectious. What if I had somehow given it to my father or brother? I would never be able to forgive myself if that happens. I yelled from behind the door that my father and my brother, along with Mary our housekeeper had to get tested tomorrow morning. I started panicking and crying. I wasn’t crying for myself. I was crying for the possibility that I had hurt one of my family members. I started to think, when had I last seen my youngest brother. He was married and lived alone with his wife. I had seen him the Friday before, when he came to eat lunch at ours. That was before my symptoms; then again that was after I met the patient for the first time, therefore I could have been silently carrying the virus since that day. I immediately called him and told him that he had to get tested in the morning too.

It didn’t really fully sink in until my best friend called and I started crying. I told her how my worst fear was that I had infected a loved one. I knew I would be fine; I’m young and healthy and would definitely fight it and get through it. She calmed me and made me focus on packing again. The rest of my team at work had to be tested too. My best friend had to be tested even though we weren’t sitting or sharing food like we usually do, but I had seen her a couple of times during that past week. I had coffee every morning with one of my other best friends however I knew he was okay because he was tested a day prior, having been in contact with another positive patient.

I went back to packing. I finished packing my clothes and toiletries. Now I had to think about entertainment. I filled a shoulder bag with books to read, my journal, my iPad and laptop. I tried to think what else should I take. I made my brother pack me a small bag of snacks too. I kept pacing around my room making sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I showered and lay out my clothes for tomorrow, when the ambulance will come pick me up. By that time, the medical department knew that I was positive and decided to make another unit do our oncall tomorrow until the whole team was tested to make sure no one was positive. Word started spreading and I started getting so many messages and phone calls. I spoke to the few people that I considered close, the ones that would be really scared if they heard the news from someone else. It was nearly 2 am and I didn’t want to speak to anyone else that night. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. I decided to post a tweet on twitter and put my phone on silent.

“Yes guys, I am COVID-19 positive unfortunately, will catch up with everyone’s texts and calls tomorrow enshallah.”

الحمدلله على كل حال

I had a dreamless sleep that night. I woke up even more tired than before I went to sleep. Thinking back now, I realise the myalgia and fatigue was due to the corona in my system. I still had fever but didn’t take any paracetamol because I didn’t want to mask any fever when I got to the hospital. I got up, dressed and closed my bags ready for the ambulance. 7 different people called me from different MOH preventative departments. They all needed to get a list of my contacts and their phone numbers. Other doctors called to ask about me, everyone was so worried. My social media accounts wouldn’t stop sending me notifications. I kept speaking to my family behind my closed door. I wouldn’t even let my father check my temperature anymore.

I hated being lonely. Corona is a very lonely disease. In preventing it and fighting it, we as physicians lead a lonely life, a life where we are unable to even touch our loved ones or families for fear of passing on the virus. When you actually have the virus, you lead an even lonelier existence in isolation from the outside world. You are unable to see your family or sit with them. Other patients get visitors, yet corona patients aren’t allowed to have any visitors enter the room. Even upon death, corona patients die alone; without a family members holding their hands or even burying them; let alone have a funeral or gathering to honour their lives. Corona has changed the way we do many things.

During the wait for the ambulance, I received calls from Jaber doctors and consultants. They told me that they were sorry that I had COVID-19 and that if I needed anything to give them a call. Everyone was being extremely supportive. They were people that I had worked with throughout my medical career. Some were people I had exchanged a few conversations with. They assured me that they I would receive the best care. My room was ready, just waiting for my arrival.

The wait for the ambulance lasted a very long time. Originally they had said morning, and then they called and said it might take longer because so many new cases had to be taken to Jaber Hospital on that day. I called the preventative doctor and asked her whether I would be allowed to drive myself. Originally she disagreed, however I assured her that I was a physician and knew how to protect others from becoming infected. I would wear an N95 mask and gloves and I would drive myself in my own car. After all, Jaber hospital was a 4 minute drive away from my house. She finally agreed.

At 5pm, the curefew time, I put on my mask and gloves, took my bags and headed to my car. I waved goodbye to my family from behind fogged up glasses. They weren’t allowed to touch me or come near me. I put my stuff in the car and waved at my dad from inside the car. That was the last time I physically saw my father.

Sunday April 12th was the day I admitted myself to Jaber Hospital.

So it begins, the transformation from physician to patient…