Corona Diaries - 20

It's been nearly 3 months since my last post. So much has happened during the past while, it feels like years rather than months. The last time I wrote, Kuwait had 16,000 cases in May; currently Kuwait has a total of 71,713 corona cases since the March 2020. That's an increase of more than 50,000 COVID-19 cases since the beginning of May 2020 until today. Take a minute and try to absorb this fact. This is for the people that are still taking it lightly, despite the number of cases and deaths so far.

I've always been fascinated with numbers. I read a book on numerology when I was younger and have always been counting something or another. Ever since we moved to the UK in 1999, I would have journals and calendars where I would start counting down days until exams or the days until going to Kuwait for vacation. I would have lists of books that I wanted to read and would become excited as my book number increased. I would always have a countdown to something, whether it was number of days until the next Harry Potter book would appear on my doorstep from Amazon or the number of days until my parents would come visit again. I would count the numbers of hours I'd spent studying and the number of hours I'd been asleep and convert that into percentages of my whole day. Then I would convert that into percentages of my whole entire year. Just in case anyone was ever wondering, I have spent around 83% of my life on this Earth studying for one exam or another. Another amusing fact is that I sleep an average of 4 hours a night, which equates to around 0.05% of every month and 0.6% of my entire year. Do you know anyone else who does that? I would prefer the term "quirky" rather than "weird" when describing myself, just a thought.

So much has happened since my last post, 83 days ago to be precise. I'd been working on Amiri COVID team until a week ago. It was a tough experience; something I will write about in detail in later posts. I've seen cases and heard stories that are very emotional. Entire families have been infected and multiple family members have lost their lives. Some patients have suffered severe emotional trauma and have had suicidal thoughts. Many people have lost their jobs and don't have enough money to eat. Non-K professionals have been let go from their jobs and have resorted to walking around and asking for money from strangers just so they can eat.

I wonder what I'll write about today. I've had so many ups and downs during the past three months. I have three new grey hairs, just incase anyone was wondering. I've made new friends for life. I've spent entire nights awake; something I haven't done in the longest time. I've started some research, something that I've been wanting to do ever since finishing medical school; still in the data collecting process...

I've been a physician for 10 years and 6 days today. I still remember my first day at work back at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary on the 3rd of August 2010. I remember my father driving me to my first night shift three days later and he picked me up the following day at 9am, I started crying as soon as I saw him because I was so overwhelmed. I had put my ACLS to practice twice that night and had unfortunately lost my first patient. I still remember having my first cup of coffee to survive my first night shift, I'd never tasted coffee prior to working. Today, I couldn't even keep my head up straight because I missed my morning coffee and didn't remember until the end of the day. Today, I have a caseload of around 20 patients, I'm also responsible for my junior doctors and a bunch of medical students. Our responsibilities grow as we grow. You can always choose to do less or do more. You can always opt out of certain things. You also have the choice of caring for others or not. At the end of the day, its a personal choice. I choose to always think of patients as family members and try to do the best I can. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I cared less, or didn't care at all. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, even if I gave the bare minimum. I would always go above and beyond; that's just the way I am.

Why do we do the things we do? Why do we care about certain things and not about others? Why are we the way we are? Is it our upbringing? Is it traits we pick up from our families? Or is it due to environmental influences. I believe that it's a collection of everything that we go through in life, that's why we are so different, that's why we are all unique in our own way. On one hand, two siblings that have the exact same upbringing may become completely different. On the other hand, you may have someone that had a harsh upbringing become kind whilst someone with a very sheltered life might become cruel. I personally cannot understand cruelty. I think about it greatly and I cannot even begin to understand why some people are the way they are. I think everyone can get their point across without becoming mean or cruel. You can still be strict and you can get things done and you can be nice at the same time. I respect kindness. Some people radiate kindness in all situations; that's my aim in life.

The Voice

There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

"I feel this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong."

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What's right for you - just listen to

The voice that speaks inside.

―Shel Silverstein